First Published on February 21, 2014---I am republishing this because I just completed another round of being in Sweden and being away from India in general. I have accomplished much and yet much has eluded me. I am better placed in my heart in some ways yet it remains wandering and the title of this blog, still fits!!
A quarter of a century, plus a year. That's how long it has been since I have lived this vagabond life.
I had thought I would celebrate it by watching a movie, doing something special, writing in my journal etc. And, it is close to ten pm, and I am tired.
I attended a workshop from morning till noon, a quick lunch at the University cafe, and then was in meetings till 4 pm. Worked in the office till 6, and came home because I needed to go grocery shopping since I have some office work planned for all of saturday, including house work.
Its been a ritual for me every year to write a special entry in my journal on New Year's day, first of January, late Feb, or the day I left home first to commemorate it and my birthday. I mark those days by the growth that I have seen in myself. The last several years have also been about new countries that I have seen each year, but more importantly people who I have kept in touch with and those who have remained in my life.
There are some massive personal and social changes happening already.
But today, being busy, I did not get the same nostalgic feeling I often do this day. Last few years I would forget some of my 'special journal' days, including my birthday. Mainly because I am either in conferences during that time, preparing for classes or struggling with so much else.
Today was no different.
But I thought I would do a ritual or something. I had a little bonfire for myself yesterday, to call in the new and bright. First, I had planned going for a movie. But again, there is no point watching a movie when we are tired.
But I had a very interesting conversation at lunch and then later when I went grocery shopping.
Both of them put in perspective what I deal with, what I think about, and what this blog was started for. To figure out, where I did feel at home? Was there a home for me?
First, I ran into an australian colleague, who I first spoke with when I read a story by Tagore, at the University's reading club, that meets every thursday. The colleague, who is fluent in russian, and swedish, other than english of course, told me that he had never heard of Tagore. I, on the other hand, have always been in love with Tagore's writings. So, we chatted for a while and he checked out "Sadhna' (meditation) by Tagore (in Swedish).
Today, we ran into each other at one of the University's cafe. This one is my favorite cafe, since one of the chefs who is originally from Lebanon, and spent several years in India, brings 'flavors' of the world to us. I have had everything from taboule to falafel to biryani here. Today the chef told me that he is bringing 'Samosas' next week.
'Vegetarian ones' he looked at me and nodded.
As I was talking to the chef, I saw my australian colleague walk in, just as much in rush as I was.
'Sorry Tony, I need to eat quickly, I have a meeting in 15 mins.'
"Never ever worry' said Tony with his usual smile.
I waved at my colleague, and nodded.
'I won't sit here for long, but you can join me if you want.' He smiled.
A few seconds later we were talking about Indian philosophy, since he is taking an online class in Indian philosophy from the US.
And then, we turned to the topics that I eventually end up talking about with all the expatriates.
'What is home, what is hospitality, what is warmth in a culture, and the place of food, and how time is experienced'
'We have a research meeting today, and I am always nervous. My research is going so slow, because my teaching load ever since I started teaching has been enormous. Literally a new course or two for all the years I have been teaching. But colleagues have told me to not worry about that.'
'Yes, Swedes look at this as a social thing.'
'That is why they even provide food for many of these meetings.' I paused, 'And I guess they don't do that in Australia and not even in the US, but definitely in Fiji, we had food for every meeting.'
'No, not in Australia'
'Neither in the US, but Fiji, yes, and even in Sweden.'
I continued, 'I still love the US, especially as a 'land'.It is vast and diverse. You can find everything from desert to snow-capped mountains to sweltering heat. But as a culture, there is a problem. In all the years there, I realized celebration there is still quite an 'individual' affair. Yes occasional surprise parties and half-a-day long, wedding ceremony with a limited attendance of less than fifty people--an indication of how many people are incorporated into a celebration that is supposed to mark a new beginning of the rest of your life. For me, inviting about 15-20 people for a home made meal is common. And yet in the US, even at Universities, there was hardly anything organized by the departments. Except one generic 'orientation', where we saw people's faces and then never really talked to them again unless we had some official business. There is no budget for such arrangements, an indication of little significance placed on it.'
This was not all verbatim, but the gist of what I have been thinking about for years. Also, acknowledging that if I had grown up with that, I would not know the difference. The same as children growing up with computers do not know about assignments done in 'long hand'-- slow, deliberate and laborious. So, it is hard to blame anyone, but such ideas then become environment and guide our further behavior. Just as Mcluhan would say about the media.
And I think this exists in countries that were habited by immigrants, especially places like Australia, Canada, the US and NZ. People left everything behind and started again. Their idea of cousins stopped at the first cousins. I remember attending weddings of my third and fourth cousins, where our great-grand fathers were cousins. There was an idea of continuity, a lineage. Furthermore, the strength of these countries was its social-welfare system, which was also a bit of a barrier in families and friends relying on each other. While it provided a social order on one level, it aided in unknotting the filial ties. If you do not want to live with family the state provided many things from unemployment compensation to loans until you stood on your feet. Good in some respects though. The other side is that everything becomes bureaucracy, and we see people as part of institutions. We are helped by institutions and structures, people, community and togetherness began to dissolve.
My colleague's eyes lit up, 'I kept wondering why is that?, my parents are the same, no connection to anything else, I never understood this. I felt the same in Australia, this nuclear family idea, where we are not connected to anyone else. Just ourselves.'
'It becomes a cycle. Children grow up not knowing anything, guests are an interruption not Gods, as they are in Asia or Africa or Pacific. Life becomes such that it must be lived for the state, for jobs, not to find our real self but to serve the state.'
He nodded.
'I do feel bad for saying this, as if I am constantly putting the US down, the only place I truly think I came into my own, I grew so much there, I learnt so much there, and yet I have this sweet-bitter relationship with it. I sense an emptiness, and as much as I love it, I am afraid of returning. I love its innocence though, a level of simplicity of the heart. Almost childlike..'
'Child-like or childish?"
'A hopeful, naive way of looking at the world. The word 'happy' is used a lot.'
"You mean 'naive?"
'No, maybe, but really, this idea that, 'all will be well, is well, should be well.' There is an absence of understanding that good and bad, right and wrong, altruistic and evil are all two sides of the same coin. This constant focus on equality, and not acknowledging that it is the inequality that creates movement, and inequality is the basis of this universe. This 'karma-bhoomi' the land of action, which happens to be the best place to evolve our souls.'
'Yeah, it has taken me a while to realize that the 'ideal-equality' that we kept waiting for is unachievable.'
'Yeah, but the sad thing is that this way of thinking, which is considered 'global' now makes its dents everywhere. Fighting for equality is a good thing, we should do it. But, there are many things where equality does not figure in. It is an issue of soul evolution, but we are encouraged towards soul deterioration, or at least 'focus on the narrow self.' For example, growing up we were taught to not be focusing on romance and other amorous activities until we were clear about what we wanted from life. I learnt about a recent program, Humse Hai Life on Channel V, or a similar channel about teen romance. But now I am aware of these things, so I went and did some research. Ofcourse, the show is a complete venture owned by the US television networks. Their aim for the last twenty years has been to 'westernize' these audiences and their tastes, which will eventually influence the mindset and therefore the cultural values. I cannot tell you how many stories I had about young students, in the US, who were depressed, or trying to commit suicide because their partner had betrayed them. They were all in their early twenties or younger. An age when they should be so free that they do not need anyone.
'Here is a synopsis of the show on wiki.
And following info is about Channel V:
Channel V, Channel V (styled Channel [V]) is the brand name for multiple international music television networks owned by STAR TV and Fox International Channels, fully owned subsidiaries of 21st Century Fox.[1]
And here is a one line note about 'personal life' of the lead actress,
Abigail R. Jain is a very down to earth person and has a normal-teenage lifestyle.
Seriously, there is nothing normal about a youngster who is starts working at a major TV station as a teenager. That life, can hardly ever get back to 'normal'. Normal teenagers, even in the affluent India deal with major life questions, 'what will I become, how I will I support myself, and how will I fend my family and the likes'. They are not concerned with 'which stocks should my parents invest my money in.' And what's with that name? It is a pretty name, but this focus on 'non-Indian names'. As I mentioned in another post, names, meaning of names and naming ceremony in India are taken very seriously.
Here is a clip from the show, only faces and the language is Indian, everything else seems to be imported from an American school. While bullying and hurting people's feelings is common to all age groups and schools and countries, Hollywood has made a business of such movies, and now that is being spilled to Indian televisions.
Then there are half-baked Indians who are quite enamored by the 'west' like Karan Johar who will make movies like 'Student of the Year' that takes place in a school that would put Philip's Academy to shame (ONLY IN MATERIAL EXHIBITION, NOT TRAINING OF THE MIND), with a focus on guess what? "teenage romance', featuring a few lip-locks. And a dialogue or two that focusses on separating daily life from spiritual life, 'I don't have temple clothes' the actress says once in the movie. As if temple clothes are not the regular clothes that we wear everyday. What she means is that everyday she wears bikinis and other outfits that exhibit her physical traits a little more specifically. She did not mention the amount of time that would require for an Indian woman e.g. full body hair removal to needing special girdles, not to mention that kind of life puts the focus on the 'self'.
A country like India survived because teenagers were encouraged to focus on their inner strength and to first learn to focus on developing minds, brains and characters. From that standpoint, when they approached life, they had an inherent sense of --'vivek' meaning discrimination, --between right and wrong, good and evil, appropriate and inappropriate, maryada (decorum) and sharm (modesty), besharmi (immodesty). Not all was perfect, but there was a shame associated with crossing these boundaries which then allowed the culture to work on 'a honor system, based on self-regulation'. Which is the ideal that any society can attain.
Last year I was in Dublin for a conference, and stayed at a friend's place. We grew up together and so, me, him, his wife and her nephew stayed up late one night talking about culture and India, and our childhood. They told me that their friends who were closely linked to Bollywood, a few years ago, had stayed at their place. During their conversations they had revealed that India's culture should be changed via Bollywood. Show the young girls dressed in shorts and baring their bodies from all angles, openly drinking alcohol, and being liked by men for that behavior. In fact, not drinking should be then made to seem old fashioned and conservative. Its was not just about drinking but actually, 'getting drunk' for no reason, a specific characteristic of several western nations, but more so in countries that have their own domestic media that perpetuates such mindless images, and then shows rewards for such actions. i.e. waking up in the bed of the person who you will later fall in love with, the man wakes up next morning and realizes he is in love with the woman, or well, it could be a man….
Notice: The focus is on falling in love, 'after' the physical experience. As opposed to being intimate with someone we have known well and have developed feelings for, and have honorable intention towards. The 'material and the physical' then is prized over the emotional and gut feelings.
Regardless, the long drawn process of courtship, which even in the west started with an honorable intention of, 'I am willing' is being forcibly wiped away.
And it is very clear what is happening in India, and as result in that whole region, since all of south east asia gets television programming from India. In my entire life I have been bars less than ten times. That too, mostly because graduate students were going there after a day long conference or something. Often times, these places make me cry. They reek of loneliness and lack of culture. If you really want to drink, relax and have a great conversation, stay home, light music, candles and a good conversation. Bars are no places for a good conversation, if it is not the music, it might be the cigarette smoke that gets in your eyes. But whatever little I know, "bar-culture' is a truly global city-phenomenon, without any soul.
'Do you think, they do this to make us dumb?" my colleague asked.
"Oh, television programs? no, its done to get us addicted to these shows, because they appeal to our lower natures. It is like adding a fix in cigarettes to make them addictive, like a trace of cocaine was added to the earlier version of coca-cola. And they hope that they will keep making money off 'basic laziness of human nature.' I always tell my students that what they sell you via drugs and sex can be attained via meditation, only it takes longer. But once you get there, you are freer.'
'I know, what you mean, it is an effort to be on a path where we are committed to our learning. This philosophy course that I am taking, is amazing. It is a small group of people and we discuss many such issues.'
Both of us were now swallowing our food down, it was ten minutes to 1:00 pm. We had to rush for our respective meetings.
'You know we were destined to have this conversation' I said. 'See you next week at the reading and may be we can talk more about this later.' I waved and ran two floors up to the meeting room.
For the next three hours I was in three meetings, and then for two hours worked in my office, and forgot about this. But later when I was going grocery shopping, I started thinking about this again. And the fact that I have lived on my own in all these countries, and if I could consider any place as home. I was the one who never wanted to leave India or the US and now …..the idea of staying in one place forever sounds crazy.
I walked into 'Forat Livs', as store that I often go to find things I cannot get in other stores. Italian parsley, cilantro, mini-cucumbers (not dill), almond oil etc.
Omar walked towards the counter as he saw me coming. "Hej, O' I said.
He gave his subdued smile.
I have been coming to this shop since the first week in Sweden. And about two years into my grocery transactions with the people who own the shop, I once asked the young man, 'You know its been two years and I do not know your name.'
"Omar', had blushed, as he told me his name.
'Hi, nice to meet you' I gave a profuse, familiar smile, that was way overdue, '-- finally nice to know your name.
Today, as he reached for the plastic bags to bag my groceries he said with glee, ' I went to my country for the first time in my life. Just returned after three weeks of being there.'
'Kurdistan?" I noticed his tan and pointed that out.
'Yes, that's because of the sun.' he blushed as usual.
'So O, tell me something, how can Kurdistan be your country if you have never lived there?"
"Because they are my people, they speak my language, they feel like home.'
'How old were you when you left Iran?"
'Twelve, and then twelve years in a refugee camp and sixteen in Sweden.'
My breath had become deep but laborious, thinking about how many children called refugee camps their playground. While even in those places there was a community that was built, it must be hard to consider it a home.
'I have a great life here, no wars, no problems, Sweden is a great country and yet I do not feel at home. We were thrown out of so many places, today Kurdistan is developing very fast. There are people from all over the world who are working there, Pakistanis, Indians, Sri lankans Turkish. While we were not allowed to speak our language, now the world is speaking our language.'
Another customer had queued up behind me.
"O, I am going to come back with more questions and we will discuss this more. But for me, I do not know what home is. India is desperately trying to be western--mindlessly so. When I go back, I cannot even tell them that often times their english is wrong and they have a very distorted idea of the west. The west does not equate a good stable life, that form of life comes with its own issues, broken homes, and limited social contacts. Neither east nor west is perfect, but mindless following of something is what bothers me much. I feel at home among people who have known me for long and have similar values. I go home, and Indians do not even speak proper hindi. Instead, they take pride in speaking broken, and wrong english, although they do not know so. So for me, there is no place that is home, may be, some days in my mind I feel that way. Today at two of my three meetings, I felt at home, we discussed careers and life, and it was a warm atmosphere.'
He smiled.
'Oh, but then when I come to your store and can buy mint all through spring and summer, something I cannot get anywhere else, I know I feel at home for those moments I can smell fresh mint.' He smiled, I know.
On my way back, I did not plug in my iPhone to listen to lectures as I always do. I kept wondering what is home for me?
Where is home for me? My family is. But we are on three different continents now. I missed that idea of home when last week, youngest of my cousins got married. And I called home about ten times that weekend, to get updates on all the ceremonies. And everytime I called, they said, 'why call, just come over, we are just now going to sangeet (music and dance) ceremony, come join us.'
Someone would yell from behind, " We are missing you….get on the plane and come here.'
Another time I called my cousin he said, 'Well, I am here with your sister getting some last minute things, she needed some more bangles…you women----we will be home in an hour, call us then, you can talk to others as well.'
'No, I can't I will be in the bus then, I have to be in town. Give my love to all.'
Such warmth in that conversation that even continents apart I felt at home.
But, as I got back, and put the groceries in the fridge, I kept wondering if after quarter of a century, that I have truly not mastered the art of feeling both rooted and uprooted in all the places I live in. I think I know that my home is in my heart, in the songs I enjoy, in the jokes I share, in the ginger tea that I relish, in the bird-songs that I cherish, in the love that I get, and in the completion that I am!!
Italian parsley, cilantro, mini-cucumbers (not dill), almond oil, and coconut oil, all the things available only at specialty stores!!, Sweden, 2014
A quarter of a century, plus a year. That's how long it has been since I have lived this vagabond life.
I had thought I would celebrate it by watching a movie, doing something special, writing in my journal etc. And, it is close to ten pm, and I am tired.
I attended a workshop from morning till noon, a quick lunch at the University cafe, and then was in meetings till 4 pm. Worked in the office till 6, and came home because I needed to go grocery shopping since I have some office work planned for all of saturday, including house work.
Its been a ritual for me every year to write a special entry in my journal on New Year's day, first of January, late Feb, or the day I left home first to commemorate it and my birthday. I mark those days by the growth that I have seen in myself. The last several years have also been about new countries that I have seen each year, but more importantly people who I have kept in touch with and those who have remained in my life.
There are some massive personal and social changes happening already.
But today, being busy, I did not get the same nostalgic feeling I often do this day. Last few years I would forget some of my 'special journal' days, including my birthday. Mainly because I am either in conferences during that time, preparing for classes or struggling with so much else.
Today was no different.
But I thought I would do a ritual or something. I had a little bonfire for myself yesterday, to call in the new and bright. First, I had planned going for a movie. But again, there is no point watching a movie when we are tired.
But I had a very interesting conversation at lunch and then later when I went grocery shopping.
Both of them put in perspective what I deal with, what I think about, and what this blog was started for. To figure out, where I did feel at home? Was there a home for me?
First, I ran into an australian colleague, who I first spoke with when I read a story by Tagore, at the University's reading club, that meets every thursday. The colleague, who is fluent in russian, and swedish, other than english of course, told me that he had never heard of Tagore. I, on the other hand, have always been in love with Tagore's writings. So, we chatted for a while and he checked out "Sadhna' (meditation) by Tagore (in Swedish).
Today, we ran into each other at one of the University's cafe. This one is my favorite cafe, since one of the chefs who is originally from Lebanon, and spent several years in India, brings 'flavors' of the world to us. I have had everything from taboule to falafel to biryani here. Today the chef told me that he is bringing 'Samosas' next week.
'Vegetarian ones' he looked at me and nodded.
As I was talking to the chef, I saw my australian colleague walk in, just as much in rush as I was.
'Sorry Tony, I need to eat quickly, I have a meeting in 15 mins.'
"Never ever worry' said Tony with his usual smile.
I waved at my colleague, and nodded.
'I won't sit here for long, but you can join me if you want.' He smiled.
A few seconds later we were talking about Indian philosophy, since he is taking an online class in Indian philosophy from the US.
And then, we turned to the topics that I eventually end up talking about with all the expatriates.
'What is home, what is hospitality, what is warmth in a culture, and the place of food, and how time is experienced'
'We have a research meeting today, and I am always nervous. My research is going so slow, because my teaching load ever since I started teaching has been enormous. Literally a new course or two for all the years I have been teaching. But colleagues have told me to not worry about that.'
'Yes, Swedes look at this as a social thing.'
'That is why they even provide food for many of these meetings.' I paused, 'And I guess they don't do that in Australia and not even in the US, but definitely in Fiji, we had food for every meeting.'
'No, not in Australia'
'Neither in the US, but Fiji, yes, and even in Sweden.'
I continued, 'I still love the US, especially as a 'land'.It is vast and diverse. You can find everything from desert to snow-capped mountains to sweltering heat. But as a culture, there is a problem. In all the years there, I realized celebration there is still quite an 'individual' affair. Yes occasional surprise parties and half-a-day long, wedding ceremony with a limited attendance of less than fifty people--an indication of how many people are incorporated into a celebration that is supposed to mark a new beginning of the rest of your life. For me, inviting about 15-20 people for a home made meal is common. And yet in the US, even at Universities, there was hardly anything organized by the departments. Except one generic 'orientation', where we saw people's faces and then never really talked to them again unless we had some official business. There is no budget for such arrangements, an indication of little significance placed on it.'
This was not all verbatim, but the gist of what I have been thinking about for years. Also, acknowledging that if I had grown up with that, I would not know the difference. The same as children growing up with computers do not know about assignments done in 'long hand'-- slow, deliberate and laborious. So, it is hard to blame anyone, but such ideas then become environment and guide our further behavior. Just as Mcluhan would say about the media.
And I think this exists in countries that were habited by immigrants, especially places like Australia, Canada, the US and NZ. People left everything behind and started again. Their idea of cousins stopped at the first cousins. I remember attending weddings of my third and fourth cousins, where our great-grand fathers were cousins. There was an idea of continuity, a lineage. Furthermore, the strength of these countries was its social-welfare system, which was also a bit of a barrier in families and friends relying on each other. While it provided a social order on one level, it aided in unknotting the filial ties. If you do not want to live with family the state provided many things from unemployment compensation to loans until you stood on your feet. Good in some respects though. The other side is that everything becomes bureaucracy, and we see people as part of institutions. We are helped by institutions and structures, people, community and togetherness began to dissolve.
My colleague's eyes lit up, 'I kept wondering why is that?, my parents are the same, no connection to anything else, I never understood this. I felt the same in Australia, this nuclear family idea, where we are not connected to anyone else. Just ourselves.'
'It becomes a cycle. Children grow up not knowing anything, guests are an interruption not Gods, as they are in Asia or Africa or Pacific. Life becomes such that it must be lived for the state, for jobs, not to find our real self but to serve the state.'
He nodded.
'I do feel bad for saying this, as if I am constantly putting the US down, the only place I truly think I came into my own, I grew so much there, I learnt so much there, and yet I have this sweet-bitter relationship with it. I sense an emptiness, and as much as I love it, I am afraid of returning. I love its innocence though, a level of simplicity of the heart. Almost childlike..'
'Child-like or childish?"
'A hopeful, naive way of looking at the world. The word 'happy' is used a lot.'
"You mean 'naive?"
'No, maybe, but really, this idea that, 'all will be well, is well, should be well.' There is an absence of understanding that good and bad, right and wrong, altruistic and evil are all two sides of the same coin. This constant focus on equality, and not acknowledging that it is the inequality that creates movement, and inequality is the basis of this universe. This 'karma-bhoomi' the land of action, which happens to be the best place to evolve our souls.'
'Yeah, it has taken me a while to realize that the 'ideal-equality' that we kept waiting for is unachievable.'
'Yeah, but the sad thing is that this way of thinking, which is considered 'global' now makes its dents everywhere. Fighting for equality is a good thing, we should do it. But, there are many things where equality does not figure in. It is an issue of soul evolution, but we are encouraged towards soul deterioration, or at least 'focus on the narrow self.' For example, growing up we were taught to not be focusing on romance and other amorous activities until we were clear about what we wanted from life. I learnt about a recent program, Humse Hai Life on Channel V, or a similar channel about teen romance. But now I am aware of these things, so I went and did some research. Ofcourse, the show is a complete venture owned by the US television networks. Their aim for the last twenty years has been to 'westernize' these audiences and their tastes, which will eventually influence the mindset and therefore the cultural values. I cannot tell you how many stories I had about young students, in the US, who were depressed, or trying to commit suicide because their partner had betrayed them. They were all in their early twenties or younger. An age when they should be so free that they do not need anyone.
'Here is a synopsis of the show on wiki.
'Humse hai life is an Indian soap opera aimed at a
young audience, which aired on Channel V India. The show premiered on
September 11 and ended on November 30, 2012. The narrative of the
show followed a young girl named Sia Dhillion as she struggled with life
and friends while pursuing her dream of becoming a boxer. The story is
also about Sia's relationship with the characters of Raghav, Arjun, Kabir and Other
at the Elite School. It ran for 260 episodes, 4 days a week from Monday
to Thursday at 7:30 pm, from September 5, 2011, from Nov 30, 2012.
Re-runs of this show are coming from 20th May 2013.
And following info is about Channel V:
Channel V, Channel V (styled Channel [V]) is
the brand name for multiple international music television networks
owned by STAR TV and Fox
International Channels, fully owned subsidiaries of 21st Century Fox.[1] And here is a one line note about 'personal life' of the
lead actress,
Abigail R. Jain is a very down to earth person and has a
normal-teenage lifestyle.
Seriously, there is nothing normal about a youngster who is
starts working at a major TV station as a teenager. That life, can hardly
ever get back to 'normal'. Normal teenagers, even in the affluent India
deal with major life questions, 'what will I become, how I will I
support myself, and how will I fend my family and the likes'. They
are not concerned with 'which stocks should my parents invest my money in.'
And what's with that name? It is a pretty name, but this focus
on 'non-Indian names'. As I
mentioned in another post, names, meaning of names and
naming ceremony in India are taken very seriously.
Here is a
clip from the show, only faces and the language is Indian, everything else
seems to be imported from an American school. While bullying
and hurting people's feelings is common to all age groups and schools and
countries, Hollywood has made a business of such movies, and now that is being
spilled to Indian televisions.
And following info is about Channel V:
Channel V, Channel V (styled Channel [V]) is the brand name for multiple international music television networks owned by STAR TV and Fox International Channels, fully owned subsidiaries of 21st Century Fox.[1]
And here is a one line note about 'personal life' of the lead actress,
Abigail R. Jain is a very down to earth person and has a normal-teenage lifestyle.
Seriously, there is nothing normal about a youngster who is starts working at a major TV station as a teenager. That life, can hardly ever get back to 'normal'. Normal teenagers, even in the affluent India deal with major life questions, 'what will I become, how I will I support myself, and how will I fend my family and the likes'. They are not concerned with 'which stocks should my parents invest my money in.' And what's with that name? It is a pretty name, but this focus on 'non-Indian names'. As I mentioned in another post, names, meaning of names and naming ceremony in India are taken very seriously.
Here is a clip from the show, only faces and the language is Indian, everything else seems to be imported from an American school. While bullying and hurting people's feelings is common to all age groups and schools and countries, Hollywood has made a business of such movies, and now that is being spilled to Indian televisions.
Then there are half-baked Indians who are quite enamored by the 'west' like Karan Johar who will make movies like 'Student of the Year' that takes place in a school that would put Philip's Academy to shame (ONLY IN MATERIAL EXHIBITION, NOT TRAINING OF THE MIND), with a focus on guess what? "teenage romance', featuring a few lip-locks. And a dialogue or two that focusses on separating daily life from spiritual life, 'I don't have temple clothes' the actress says once in the movie. As if temple clothes are not the regular clothes that we wear everyday. What she means is that everyday she wears bikinis and other outfits that exhibit her physical traits a little more specifically. She did not mention the amount of time that would require for an Indian woman e.g. full body hair removal to needing special girdles, not to mention that kind of life puts the focus on the 'self'.
A country like India survived because teenagers were encouraged to focus on their inner strength and to first learn to focus on developing minds, brains and characters. From that standpoint, when they approached life, they had an inherent sense of --'vivek' meaning discrimination, --between right and wrong, good and evil, appropriate and inappropriate, maryada (decorum) and sharm (modesty), besharmi (immodesty). Not all was perfect, but there was a shame associated with crossing these boundaries which then allowed the culture to work on 'a honor system, based on self-regulation'. Which is the ideal that any society can attain.
Last year I was in Dublin for a conference, and stayed at a friend's place. We grew up together and so, me, him, his wife and her nephew stayed up late one night talking about culture and India, and our childhood. They told me that their friends who were closely linked to Bollywood, a few years ago, had stayed at their place. During their conversations they had revealed that India's culture should be changed via Bollywood. Show the young girls dressed in shorts and baring their bodies from all angles, openly drinking alcohol, and being liked by men for that behavior. In fact, not drinking should be then made to seem old fashioned and conservative. Its was not just about drinking but actually, 'getting drunk' for no reason, a specific characteristic of several western nations, but more so in countries that have their own domestic media that perpetuates such mindless images, and then shows rewards for such actions. i.e. waking up in the bed of the person who you will later fall in love with, the man wakes up next morning and realizes he is in love with the woman, or well, it could be a man….
Notice: The focus is on falling in love, 'after' the physical experience. As opposed to being intimate with someone we have known well and have developed feelings for, and have honorable intention towards. The 'material and the physical' then is prized over the emotional and gut feelings.
Regardless, the long drawn process of courtship, which even in the west started with an honorable intention of, 'I am willing' is being forcibly wiped away.
And it is very clear what is happening in India, and as result in that whole region, since all of south east asia gets television programming from India. In my entire life I have been bars less than ten times. That too, mostly because graduate students were going there after a day long conference or something. Often times, these places make me cry. They reek of loneliness and lack of culture. If you really want to drink, relax and have a great conversation, stay home, light music, candles and a good conversation. Bars are no places for a good conversation, if it is not the music, it might be the cigarette smoke that gets in your eyes. But whatever little I know, "bar-culture' is a truly global city-phenomenon, without any soul.
'Do you think, they do this to make us dumb?" my colleague asked.
"Oh, television programs? no, its done to get us addicted to these shows, because they appeal to our lower natures. It is like adding a fix in cigarettes to make them addictive, like a trace of cocaine was added to the earlier version of coca-cola. And they hope that they will keep making money off 'basic laziness of human nature.' I always tell my students that what they sell you via drugs and sex can be attained via meditation, only it takes longer. But once you get there, you are freer.'
'I know, what you mean, it is an effort to be on a path where we are committed to our learning. This philosophy course that I am taking, is amazing. It is a small group of people and we discuss many such issues.'
Both of us were now swallowing our food down, it was ten minutes to 1:00 pm. We had to rush for our respective meetings.
'You know we were destined to have this conversation' I said. 'See you next week at the reading and may be we can talk more about this later.' I waved and ran two floors up to the meeting room.
For the next three hours I was in three meetings, and then for two hours worked in my office, and forgot about this. But later when I was going grocery shopping, I started thinking about this again. And the fact that I have lived on my own in all these countries, and if I could consider any place as home. I was the one who never wanted to leave India or the US and now …..the idea of staying in one place forever sounds crazy.
I walked into 'Forat Livs', as store that I often go to find things I cannot get in other stores. Italian parsley, cilantro, mini-cucumbers (not dill), almond oil etc.
Omar walked towards the counter as he saw me coming. "Hej, O' I said.
He gave his subdued smile.
I have been coming to this shop since the first week in Sweden. And about two years into my grocery transactions with the people who own the shop, I once asked the young man, 'You know its been two years and I do not know your name.'
"Omar', had blushed, as he told me his name.
'Hi, nice to meet you' I gave a profuse, familiar smile, that was way overdue, '-- finally nice to know your name.
Today, as he reached for the plastic bags to bag my groceries he said with glee, ' I went to my country for the first time in my life. Just returned after three weeks of being there.'
'Kurdistan?" I noticed his tan and pointed that out.
'Yes, that's because of the sun.' he blushed as usual.
'So O, tell me something, how can Kurdistan be your country if you have never lived there?"
"Because they are my people, they speak my language, they feel like home.'
'How old were you when you left Iran?"
'Twelve, and then twelve years in a refugee camp and sixteen in Sweden.'
My breath had become deep but laborious, thinking about how many children called refugee camps their playground. While even in those places there was a community that was built, it must be hard to consider it a home.
'I have a great life here, no wars, no problems, Sweden is a great country and yet I do not feel at home. We were thrown out of so many places, today Kurdistan is developing very fast. There are people from all over the world who are working there, Pakistanis, Indians, Sri lankans Turkish. While we were not allowed to speak our language, now the world is speaking our language.'
Another customer had queued up behind me.
"O, I am going to come back with more questions and we will discuss this more. But for me, I do not know what home is. India is desperately trying to be western--mindlessly so. When I go back, I cannot even tell them that often times their english is wrong and they have a very distorted idea of the west. The west does not equate a good stable life, that form of life comes with its own issues, broken homes, and limited social contacts. Neither east nor west is perfect, but mindless following of something is what bothers me much. I feel at home among people who have known me for long and have similar values. I go home, and Indians do not even speak proper hindi. Instead, they take pride in speaking broken, and wrong english, although they do not know so. So for me, there is no place that is home, may be, some days in my mind I feel that way. Today at two of my three meetings, I felt at home, we discussed careers and life, and it was a warm atmosphere.'
He smiled.
'Oh, but then when I come to your store and can buy mint all through spring and summer, something I cannot get anywhere else, I know I feel at home for those moments I can smell fresh mint.' He smiled, I know.
On my way back, I did not plug in my iPhone to listen to lectures as I always do. I kept wondering what is home for me?
Where is home for me? My family is. But we are on three different continents now. I missed that idea of home when last week, youngest of my cousins got married. And I called home about ten times that weekend, to get updates on all the ceremonies. And everytime I called, they said, 'why call, just come over, we are just now going to sangeet (music and dance) ceremony, come join us.'
Someone would yell from behind, " We are missing you….get on the plane and come here.'
Another time I called my cousin he said, 'Well, I am here with your sister getting some last minute things, she needed some more bangles…you women----we will be home in an hour, call us then, you can talk to others as well.'
'No, I can't I will be in the bus then, I have to be in town. Give my love to all.'
Such warmth in that conversation that even continents apart I felt at home.
But, as I got back, and put the groceries in the fridge, I kept wondering if after quarter of a century, that I have truly not mastered the art of feeling both rooted and uprooted in all the places I live in. I think I know that my home is in my heart, in the songs I enjoy, in the jokes I share, in the ginger tea that I relish, in the bird-songs that I cherish, in the love that I get, and in the completion that I am!!
