I have been stuck in life, on many levels.
I complain about not being able to write, or express. As my teaching
takes so much time. I know I inspire students. I just know that. I have done
that since I was a child. There is another blog entry waiting to be written about a school we started when I was about 9 years of age. I was the
teacher and the headmistress. And on high attendance days, we would have
three students!!
But I get angry at what we have made of
academia. Knowing fully well that most of the social sciences or the
humanities research is about gathering,compiling and analyzing data. It often
stops short of implication and implementation. Not much of it is directed
towards policy or social change. Understanding policy and social change--
maybe--but actual change, not really. That is left to activists, and
NGOs.
And yet publication is important.
Everytime I am engaged in something like that, I get angry and
frustrated, 'What is this for?" I ask. It does not help anyone
except advance the career of the writer. We are not Bill Moyers who helps the
public understand about complex issues that might influence their lives. Most
of it is done so that we can have labels, and get better jobs and more funding
to continue doing the same thing. So that we can sit in conferences and talk
about the same issues only with new authors attached to them, and say, 'Ah the
world is really not going in the right direction.'
I always thought academics and activists
were intertwined.
But that is not the case.
So, its been hard. I have been in
Scandinavia almost four years. While I came here, for a short time, I have stayed here, as a person going on a long winding road stops for a long breath. Yet
in this process of stopping to take a deep breath--, I have taught eleven new
courses--all except 2-3 were NOT in my area of work from before. I have
already read, learnt, taught and forgotten so much that I have had to teach
here. Shame on a system that does not recognize the industriousness of a
person who can manage all that, while trying to juggle the feeling of homelessness,
a lack of direction in life, and adjusting in a country where main lanauge is
alien.
I have cried and been angry and hurt, and
sad, and frustrated and then I have given up in hopelessness. While I can
blame the outside, there is something that has happened due to all this movement that has deeply affected me.
I have lost my direction and my anchor. I am floating without hope, and
drifting without a motive. Family and love can bring you that anchor. I
have always sought that, but at this point, not knowing who I am has affected all
my faculties. I just wake up, go to work, work non stop, emails, responding to
students, preparing, grading, setting up times for new classes, connecting with
the library to ensure the books are in, writing reflection and evaluations for
classes, making up assignments --since you are always teaching new classes, you
are always writing new assignments. Not to mention supervising C-essays
(honors essay) or Master's thesis. And some short term classes here and
there. Oh and in between, some day long meetings, sometimes not in a language I
understand (I love my colleagues, so this is nothing against them. and I
know this is not anything against me either. No one is singling me out. But it puts a wedge between me and my
environment and I recede back into myself where things do not make sense.)
But despite all that anger, this post is
not about that. This is about what I have learnt from here. What I have
gained in Sweden. What I owe to my students, who repeatedly come and tell
me that I have made a difference.
I could not pinpoint what was different, what
was that, despite my wanting to run away that brought a smile from deep down in
my heart every time I returned to Sweden.
In the US it was familiarity. In
Fiji, it was the sun, the green, and the glowing smiles. The abundance of
nature itself. Fruits and flowers grew whether or not we nurtured them.
In Sweden? What is it? I arrived in
the middle of one of the coldest years in decades. Why was I smiling?
It took me some time to realize it was the
lack of commercialization and the idea of controlled development. It was
the focus on nature, and environment that allowed to preserve forests right
behind the university. So, a forty minute walk behind the university
takes you through the woods and brings you to the bank of a sprawling lake.
It was the absence of over commercialism. There must be some rules and restrictions on where advertisements can be placed. Because you can go for hours without seeing billboards. The view of a driver here in Scandinavia--is clear....so is that for passengers in public transport. Long trees and fields racing past you is much more pleasant than big ads for shampoos and McDonalds. Our imagination can run free without the fear of crashing into one of those huge billboards announcing a new reality show.
It was the focus on family--often I saw
just as many men with strollers as women. But the best was when I saw
men, in public places changing diapers.
It was the idea of community and staff
bonding that took shape in Fika times --coffee times--that every department
holds once a week, where we gather in staff room and just chat about work or
life. I had not seen that anywhere, except lunch time in Kanye, Botswana.
There are regular opportunities for staff
bonding. Semester kickoff dinners and lunches, Christmas dinners,
celebrating birthdays and new additions to the family. Usually there is a
small collection, about five dollars or less --the department probably adds a
bit and a gift is presented to the person. There are farewell parties,
which again I never saw in the US. People came and went, without being
acknowledged. Life was just as usual, everyone in their cubical/room.
Friendships are long term, and deep. Unlike the US where friends went out for a
drink, or spent a vacation together, which Swedes do as well--colleagues even
help each other out during summer in working on their garden, house, tiles etc.
There is a real camaraderie.
I have already been to the house of a few
of my colleagues. Where as in the US-- I was hardly invited to anyone's house.
The great thing was a 'pot latch' where everyone brought a dish, or a
these huge parties where you never really got to know anyone--people were scattered all over the place and hung out in small groups. The quality of the talk was also--sort of scattered. Much like T.S. Eliot's
wasteland.
People tell me its hard to get into the
Swedish culture. Probably--but once you were in---you were in.
Better than in places--'where there is no in'. Little connection
and continuation.
The idea of working part time or working
for a fewer hours---makes a difference. Women get decent length
maternity leave, that does not necessarily mean a reduction in their
everyday lifestyle. Men can be with their children, as they get parental
leave as well. So children have the opportunity to know both parents.
Most shops close after 5 pm, the rest
after 8 pm. Its hard to find many restaurants open beyond 10 pm.
Why? You must pay people working in the evening higher than those
who work during the day. Makes sense. Those who are taking time
away from rest and being with their families must be compensated.
In addition, Scandinavia is expensive in
general. The reason? Well, high taxes. And therefore, the level of
consumption is much lower than that in the US. People do not eat out that
often--and are therefore cooking at home and eating better. Many people
still are familiar with basic plumbing and electrical work, since the country
is based on 'self sufficiency model' and hiring help is very expensive.
But if you do hire someone, there is a bit of a tax reduction.
There are special times and days set for
family time. Since it is a part of the culture, it is not looked down
upon.
It was these simple policies that allowed
you 'time' and 'quietness'. I often wonder where would I be, if I had
access to any of these security systems. And I mean, not just now--but
from the very beginning. If I knew I could enter a country where I was living
without a job---and then rest and look for one---while I was working on a book
academic or otherwise---would it help me health wise? Career wise?
Because for a change, I would not worry about supporting myself?
I have several books floating in me.
But I resort to short blog entries, or haikus or some odd conference
papers. They give me a sense of accomplishment and keep me in this
business.
But in between the frustrations and anger,
I do appreciate what scandinavia has done for its people. Created a world
where people can walk free and without stress. The joke is that Scandinavians
easily get stressed because their life is easy and calm. Well, its a gift
right? Shouldn't we try to create that?
Just like living in a capitalistic society
does not make everyone hardworking, living in a socialist society, does not
make everyone lazy.
What it does do is create a simple, not
high on consumption (although things are changing) --way of life, that is
almost crime free.
The minimum wage in the country is nearly
three times that in the US.
But here is what happened recently that
made me think of this all over again.
I had a conference in the south of Sweden,
which is only 45 min train ride from Copenhagen. The conference ended on
Saturday, but I had a meeting on monday. I decided to go to Copenhagen
for a day, and stayed at a hostel I had stayed at before. I did not have
much time this time and days were much colder and shorter. So, all I did
was walk into the national museum, entry to which was free. They had a
huge Viking exhibit, but they had closed entry to it by the time I got there,
because it was already packed (there, that control sensibility again).
I had wanted to go to Hans Christian
Anderson museum again, (I was there earlier this year in April), but did not
have the time. So I thought I would browse their 'gift shop'. As I
have done in many places, in the US and more recently in the UK (Sherlock
Holmes on Baker Street).
"Oh sorry, we don't have a gift shop'
apologized the lovely Danish girl.
"Oh don't be sorry, that is great' I
chuckled.
No gift shop at H. C. Anderson museum? Knowing fully well how much money it could make them? They could
sell so much 'useless stuff'--that meant nothing, except that it had the stamp
of the museum on it. They could create not so important objects like
'door stoppers' with Little Mermaid printed on them.
But 'no gift shop'??!!
What does that do? That takes us away from constant thinking in
terms of ‘buying and selling.’ While there
are few places today untouched by commercialism, these policies, thought-out
ways of living allow a different world to the children who are lucky to grow up
in these environments.
This is the only university –that I have
been to—and I have worked at quite a few, where there is no Macdonald’s around the
campus. This does not happen by
accident. In fact, there are only two
restaurants other than university café and they close after lunch. We always complain about not having much
choice. Something that the US offers
you.
But at what expense?
I do not know where I am going, where I will end up, but there are so many things that I have learnt from being in Scandinavia. But the most important is that --for us to allow higher level of thinking, for human beings to rise above our own basic needs--we cannot simply rely on individual natures and family environment, we must provide that environment, whether by controlling the large corporations with private interests, providing down time for families, maternity leave, upholding arts and music, (In Sweden children can get free music lessons, budgets for construction of all public buildings includes a little fund for local artists, so that all buildings are decorated with local art). Like Dewey suggested, if you provide the environment, children will grow into it. Provision of that environment, I know cannot be left to the 'market'. It must be incorporated into the functioning of a country.
Maybe, in that sense, life is no hurried-scurrying movements, but has the possibility of becoming a meditation---because we are allowed time for 'our beingness'.
