Women in HInduism

A very famous and oft used quote from Hindu scriptures ---I am always amazed at the sense of wisdom that the entire Hindu corpus has --and the reverence it has towards women---This thing about women being second class citizens comes from the 'Eve came out of the rib of a man'.  In Hinduism, one being divided into two.  Therefore the word for wife is 'ardhangini' --my other parts.  Yes english does say, 'my better half' but don't think it is `biblical.  But the word ardhangini is used during the wedding ceremonies.

Also, women when the came to their husbands house for the first time were made to push a pot full of rice inside here house and then walk in with stained red feet to make an impression on the ground---why? coz women are till this considered 'Lakshmi' the goddess of prosperity.  There three main powers--knowledge (Sarswati) wealth and finance (Lakshmi) and defence (Durga) all were in the hands of our Goddesses not Gods.  

Phew, finally said it.  Tired of ignorance being thrown at me in so many places.  I have always found women in the west not being half as strong. Sweden is slightly different --may be coz of harsh climate women needed to take much responsibility as men dealt with other issues.  But in general, women in Asia and Africa are something else!!

Happy Women's Day!!

A Toast to Those Who Make us Laugh

First published on September 5, 2012, I remember this time being a sad time for me. I remember how I had cried about not having a direction.  I am still directionless, but in the these last 7 some years I have made some major strides.  Some professional publications, several popular news paper articles, a bit of a name as a public intellectual and papers in two areas that I really wanted to work towards. 

I have a created a bit of a community even though, I still want to move. But I have some real friends, although the concept that without a family --seroiusly friends are a weak link to this world.  Friendship, to me, is the strongest relationship, but family is stronger.  It just is so. Not just to me, but just is so.  You cannot replace family and relationships that you can have with adult siblings. That is why single children often have a hard time in life.  No one's fault.  Sometime you cannot help it.  But it is a hard life for them--the only children.  They may cling to people who are not good for them, or may make not very many good choices--- for their sense of the world is limited.  And unless they are loners, they will forever rely on friends, who may or may not return loyalties. And if 'only children' are awake to the loneliness of the world, they know what this paragraph just talked about.  Many of them become awake to it later in life. And often end up having a few children.  I have a friend who knew she wanted at least two, since she is an only child.

So, when this blog was written, was a difficult time, and yet this post will tell you that I had learnt to appreciate simple joys and pleasure and learnt to notice good wherever I could. I remember this day like yesterday. Their voices still echo in my ears, and I clearly remember the expressions on their faces.  And incidentally, i found a handwritten note to myself where I had jotted down details of this event, since it happened on a plane.  I must have written it either on the plane or when I arrived on the other end.  

Wonder where these people are today?  If I saw them today, I would still raise a toast to them--for the memory those hours on the plane and that trip, I still remember vividly!!

Being a flight attendant can be a taxing job.  Hats off to those who make it seem easy, and consider bringing smiles to the passengers a part of their job.  P, is the first one from the right. March, 2012.

Their jokes were silly but with every giggle my insides got loose.  By the time I got off the plane, I felt my stomach relax, as one's body does after a good session of yoga.  P, is the first one from the right. March 2012. 

I was headed to India for a conference.  Luckily this one coincided with Holi, the festival of colors.  Something I had not been in India for nearly two decades.  I was tired, and had much to do.  All of february I had been sick.  So I carried that fatigue with me. 

I remember dozing off in the bus to Arlanda Airport.  All the time my mind was rushing.  You know when you are asleep  but the list of things to do is scrolling at the back of your consciousness.  

Sometime I wonder why do I have that, when I have much less responsibilities in terms of 'everyday life' than many other people.  I think it is because I have had the wrong gauge.  I cannot and should not gauge myself according to the world.  

The gauge for those who live on the edges must be different, as are our lives. It is not about car pooling, mortgages, looking for better schools, or watching trees grow.  In its nomadic ways it is much wider.  Not how many gadgets you can have--but instead--how may you use the same pan for various activities.

A frying pan, deep enough to be a Karahi (Indian frying skillet with two handles on the opposite ends), and can be used as tava (the flat pan used to cook chapatis).  That way it reduces on the clutter in the kitchen and the amount of things that must be carried with every move.  

Another thing that has happened with incessant travel is that instead of seats by the window, I ask for seats in the aisle, so I do not need to bother others during the flight and so that I can take the needed break from the seat when I wish, without disturbing others.  Seeing the sights through the window, which used to be a priority isn't anymore.

So, I was exhausted from trying to place where my life was.  I was at the edge and making massive decisions mentally.  Of what I am going to keep and what to let go. What to say good bye to and what to welcome.

All of it in the form of 'attitudes and modes of thinking.'

It was then when the following incident happened.

I am going to try and write all of it--from memory and notes in my journal---but there is something about the moment that cannot be captured--even on a page, in the most beautiful words.

Once the moment is gone, everything else is a mere re-creation--copying and pasting.  And probably looses a generation or two with each re-production.  A joke dropped, a detail missed, a few words jumbled.  The spontaneity is gone.

And then there is the simplicity of the moment.  When your love smiled at you without knowing he/she was smiling, when a toddler said something profound but with an innocence, without an intention that left the parent gaping in awe, when a vendor decided to give you a discount for no reason except that you say hello with a smile, when a bus driver stopped that extra minute so you could get on the bus....all those great moments that, if frozen, could be turned into novels.  That 'moment' is hard to capture.

But then we have the words, the re-creation, in the hope of 'grasping the moment.'

It started with me asking for a cup of water.  'hot water'.

I pressed the button on my chair, and felt like the leader of some starship enterprirse when the young flight attendant appeared on my side.

And then I waited.  But nothing happened for the next 15 minutes.  My throat was dry from Swedish winter, so I walked to the back of the airplane.

'Oh, I forgot it', said the young man tapping his forehead.

"Don't worry, dont worry' I said trying to make him feel comfortable and relieve his guilt.

'Oh, he is not worried.' said the funny one with a straight face.  I gave a blank look.

It took me a few seconds to realize that he was joking.

As I  headed towards the toilet he said, 'Do you have a voucher?"

The he extended his hand towards me, "Let me see your voucher?"

'A voucher?"  I was confused.  May be now they have these new rules that I know nothing of.  So I looked blankly at him.

' And if you do not have one, let me print you one.' He turned towards the kitchen area.

I was still a little confused so I just waved and headed for my business.

When I stepped out he told me, with a very serious face, that I owed him 2 euros.

By this time I was getting in on the joke.  His co-workers were unruffled, probably because they were used to his ways.  Which made it all seem realistic.  One had to have a combination of sense of humor and an understanding of practical jokes to both understand and appreciate the situation.

(I am proud to say that I do both) ;))

I wanted to stand there, relax, enjoy the conversation and more such scenarios.  So, I just stood there.

One of the greatest joys of traveling alone, short term or long term in life, that you never have to explain your behavior to others.

He had to leave to take care of others.

I stood alone with African-British guy, admiring his british accent.  Which is so different from listening to African American men.  The man was very friendly and started chatting right away.

'If you stayed here with this group, you'll hear things you cannot imagine.'

I nodded.   'But that is good --he makes us laugh, and I could have used it.

Then the men standing there went on tell me that they'd been up since 2 am, and had a back to back run between Stockholm and London, a two hour flight.  And that these jokes and other ways of making light of the situation kept them going.

'Its not just good for you but us too, you know.' He said.

'Yeah, but he does it with a striaght face.' I said, unable to control my laughter.

I know.  He nodded.

'And with all the charging he is talking about, the way England is right now people might believe him.!!'

The African British guy laughed. "I know.'

'So you live in Sweden? he asked.  We had already talked about me having lived in a few countries.

'Yes',

'How's the country?

'Gorgeous, stunning, sort of Utopia ....unbelievable , I've never felt this safe anywhere else.'

'You think you will stay here forever?

'Not sure!'

'Utopia and not sure?

'well, you know, Utopia can be like heaven, perfect, and a little boring.'

'And the US?

'Oh the US that is another story.  Its like loving someone who is not right for you, this attractive-looking person in a mohawk, sleeveless leather jacket, chains, tattoos and piercings, someone without a steady income.  Those your parents told you to keep away from. And you look at him, and your heart melts, and you feel a familiar pang, as if you have known him a while.'

'I understand' he said solemnly.  As if he knew what i was talking about. And then he chuckled.

The funny one, let me call him P, (for P. G. Woodhouse ;)) came back.

A woman walked up and said she wanted to use the toilet....

'Maam do you have a voucher' said P one again.  She did not know he was talking to her, but when she looked up, she sort of ignored and continued to her destination,

'Maam, wait if you do not have a voucher let me print you one. Its 2 euros'  And he turned to his side as if turning towards a printer.

The woman smiled and stepped into the toilet cabin.

'Well, maam, listen if you go in without a voucher the door will lock itself and you will not be able to step out.'  The woman smiled, blushed and pulled the toilet door shut from inside.

P, with his straight face turned to others standing in the que.  'See, if you fly with us often, I suggest you get an identity card.  An ID would be good for frequent flyers.  Its two euros.'

'An ID card and voucher both 2, Euros? I thought that would be more' I said.

"Well, we are generous.'  he tilted his head to the side.  Still no indication that this was a joke or that he was being funny.

A man came looking for water.

'Sir, we are going to be bringing trays out soon.'

"No, here' he waved a plastic glass at the attendant.  He did not want to waste a plastic glass, he wanted reuse the one he had been given a few minutes ago.

'Ah, you must be Swedish,' I said, He smiled in agreement. 'That's so Swedish, so conscientious'. I said aloud.

And I looked at the flight attendants standing next to me smiled, and pointed 'That's a swede for you.'

The African-British nodded back.

I asked the young one, how many years have you been working as an attendant?

"six years' he said.

'You look a little young to have done this for so many years'

P said, with a straight face again, ''she did not say that about me...'

Another with unruly hair was walking up towards the gang I was talking to.

'Sir, Sir, let me get you a brush' said P.

I could not stop laughing because the unruly hair was artificial hair attached to his cap.  It was meant to be a 'fun hat'.  Luckily the man did not hear it.

At some point P said, 'here let me show you my straight jacket, the mental health people carry  me in.  When I leave the plane I have to slip into that straight jacket.'

P's face was serious as ever and I was laughing so hard that my intestines were complaining for having them exercise.

Before I knew, the heaviness, the stress, the life questions had all vanished into nothingness.  How could I not be grateful?

It would be awkward to stay there very long.  When I told them, that they had made my day by making me laugh P said, 'Well, then you get to clean the plane after we land, nothing comes for free.'

I laughed hard.  Bowed and said, 'Gladly Sir, if that means you will make many others laugh like this...it would be an honor'

And meant it.  

This post is dedicated to all those who consider making people laugh their job, regardless of what they get paid for.

Living in Harmony with All the Beings & Phenomenon

Snow Art:  I leave crumbled bread  out -for the birds every morning.  Next morning I replace the old plate with a new one.  On the nights it snows, I often get to see beautiful fluffy snow resting on the plate from the day before!--somewhat like a snow art...

Finally, its all mine!!

Ok, you eat first, and I will take the rest!!, says she as she waits for her best friend to fill her stomach. 

PS-I have a stack of these plates btw, bought them years ago with an idea of having a children's party....but now I use some of them for these birds....

According to Indian tradition we must feed a few beings before we eat ourselves.  Usually it is our own pets, street dogs and street cats, ants, birds, cows and in rural areas, even snakes.  Yes. even snakes. (There is a snake feeding farm in Thailand). 

All of us grew up with our mothers making the first chapati of the morning for the birds.  She would scrunch it up when it was still warm, her hands alternating to dissipate the heat from the fresh bread, and tear it into pieces and then throw it over the low roof of our kitchen, which according to old style houses was in the backyard.  

Those were perfect kitchens, we did not need exhausts, or fans.  The smoke went up but not up the chimney and instead out the door.  And there was a kitchen window often connected to the dinning room for serving food directly.  But the kitchen door lead to the yard and not into another room.  Yes, there was a kitchen door. Something that modern kitchens have done away with, since they are designed the way western kitchens are designed today.  As a part of a large living area.  

Kitchens in India were family rooms, and often there was a sitting area on the floor.  Its quite warm --for the most part....remember? Furniture would take extra space and mess up with the massive cleaning of the floor which was done on a regular basis with soap and water.  But also, eating while sitting on the floor is healthier since allows a certain posture and prevents overeating.  Ofcourse, not really recommended in cold countries. Believe it or not, in Sweden we have heated floors.  We need them, but then those areas are generally small and not meant for large gatherings.  For example, the patch at the entrance where one must leave snow laden shoes, bathroom patch where one steps out of the shower and kitchen floors which allow us to not have a carpet or shoes inside the kitchen. 

When our great grand parents --became urbanites, they held on to this habit of feeding 'beings' before feedings ourselves, but only half of it.  Technically you are supposed to feed seven beings.  And in a warm country, there are many beings that cross your living space on a daily basis.  And what I love about Hinduism is that the kindness is not restricted to human beings but to 'BEINGS.'. So, for us the common thing was birds and cats and dogs and cows.  Yes, mother would make these chapatis and ask us to look for stray animals and cows to feed them.  We would open the back door and often find a cow, and she'd be happy to get a freshly greased chapati. 

People usually think its crazy that our gods can take shape of animals and trees and half-humans.  But these are all metaphorical and they evoke so many feelings of love, awe, wonder and mystery in us.  They keep us connected to the world, and also to see the beauty in what on the surface does not belong to 'our human world'.  Our stories link us to both plant and animal kingdoms around us.

Kolam or Rangoli or Alpana are floor decorations that were made outside of every Hindu home, and are even today in the rural areas.  Traditionally, the decorations were --1. made of rice paste or wheat flour so that they would become food for ants.  2. representations of our cosmos. The designs made are intricate, that sometimes resemble celtic knots.  but these designs are actually replicating formations of the universe, and are often mathematical in nature.  3. also protective measures. Other than being food for ants, the complex formations were supposed to confuse evil spirits who then got lost in the formations and never entered the dwellings. 

I tried to keep up the tradition in Botswana, where it was warm and I lived in a house. Then years of living in an apartment, I lost the habit, even though occasionally I would gt back to it.  Tried it in Fiji, but could not keep up.  

So, I started doing this again sometime ago.  As a way of gratitude and as a way of connecting to beings around me.  I started leaving some bread for the birds.  Now they know, so on the days I am late, they chirp louder to remind me.  I have tried different breads, they prefer white bread.  Also, sometimes I do make chapatis and leave it out. They like it better if the chapati is bit old and dry, so it is crunchy.  

However, we are surrounded by different kinds of birds.  Lucky us, ravens, magpies, a certain kind of nordic crow and small ones--sparrows and yellow breasted birds...we have a range. We also get to see hedgehogs and weasels in summer.  If you go walking in the woods, some days a young deer might stare at you through their doe eyes....

But nature functions on a rule.  We call it Matysa-Nyaya.  The rule of the fish.  You know, the big fish eats the little fish, lion eats the lamb....that's nature.  No judgement, no meanness, just is, following 'their own' nature. And yet getting respect from us, for who they are. Snakes are revered in Asia, by the way. Why?  They shed off their skin and therefore represent the wisdom of throwing off the past.  And a reminder that nothing ever stays.

Heard/saw a few weeks ago on social media that a snake had died in a suburban area and a woman was seen feeding him water towards the last minutes of his life.  But also that they asked a priest to perform his last rites.  And he was buried with proper honour.  Does not mean that you do not fear him or are not careful around him. A snake is a snake is a snake.  But as snake is also being, important to ecology and a symbol of wisdom.  According to Hindu cosmology Vishnu the God who incarnates most often, associated with preservation of his world, also incarnates with his companion, the hooded cobra.  Both --often take a human form. 

So back to my bird-feeding.  According to the Matsya nyaya-the large birds come swooping down and the little ones get only the left-over crumbs.  Story of this world.  But the above picture of the small one was taken when I saw how she sat on the plate, almost owning it, 'Ok, now its my time to feed'.  Felt sorry for her, but was happy that something was left for her and the fact that her stomach was not too big.  

So nature takes care of things in its own way.  Ah so important to have nature as a part of our religion, so that we see everything as an extension of prakriti--nature.  

Ever think, that the word nature is not just for the nature, but actually also 'our natures'? What is natural, self-occurring, how can we ignore it.  And imagine if we had not ignore it, where would the environmental health of our planet be?

So ending with a good news. Iceland has officially started to worship 'Thor' and there are similar incidences in Norway and some African countries (they worship their own gods). Geography can only be local, and reverence for nature and the natural should be based on that wisdom. 

That's how you return to nature after all---by being rooted in the land, in the local...

And when you know that, you understand everything from the way water moves in your area, and the way the birds chirp, you have a relationship with, you think of stray animals and trespassing birds, and lurking snakes and tiny ants---for they all contribute to the health of this planet ---and ours of course....