Silence of the Silent Treatment

It is another’s fault if he be ungrateful, but is mine if I do not give. To find one thankful man I will oblige a great many that are not so.  --Seneca

A few weeks earlier, a student of mine was sharing something that had affected her deeply.  As most people know, my students often become quite close to me.  That has happened ever since I started teaching, formally at the age of twenty--although I have been teaching as early as ten years of age.  

This student was upset at a sudden cutting off of all contact by a friend who was quite close to her.  She did not know what she had done.  And her friend was not responding to any of her emails or texts or phone calls.

And Image from Navua Village in Fiji, 2006.  Silence, takes us to the vast ocean inside and is an opportunity to connect with our own self. Silence from others hurts as well, but can serve the same purpose.  Cutting off from the outside and going within. 

I think all of us can relate to it. At some point or the other we have been through the same silence, silence as a form of violence.  Hopefully, we do not return that silence to others.  Because if we did, then it would mean that we are going through what our perpetrators are going through as well.

Pain.

People who inflict physical or emotional violence on others have to be in pain.  Those who are happy (not simply positive, that is a shallow word, without depth--joy and happiness has to show in every act of ours ) and joyful will not do that to others.

There are certain characteristics of joyful people.  They are happy, yes, but they actually glow.  Their presence uplifts others.  They do not take offence easily (a big one).  Are not short tempered.  Do not engage in gossip, have little need to put others down.

And most importantly recognise themselves in others.  And if there is a need for separation or breaking up friendships or bonds, then they will at least have an engaging talk---regardless of the result, explain ....

Cutting off communication is form of violence applied.  It is the oldest trick in the book, let no one in town speak to the one who is a sinner, or committed a crime and that cold shoulder treatment will teach them something.

While we can be in pain while it is going on, the wise thing...the wise thing, the wise thing to do is to obtain distance, if after your urging the person does not seem to respond.

Go within, find a way to connect with self.  Recognize the beauty of life! But more importantly to connect with the life giving aspects of nature, of a community, of our own soul.  From that space to step away, and yet be open if and when the person wants to talk.  But to know that we are taken care of.  There are seven billion people in this world and possibilities for connection are many.

While we hurt at the moment, we must know that the person is not in a happy place either.  Even if they think they do.  

All we can and should do is take care of ourselves.  Yes, it may be a lonely process at the time, but it does bring us to one of the most important things in life.  Remembering our own divinity.

We are such stuff that stars are made of.

If you or anyone you know is going through this, be kind enough to spend time and listen ....but don't forget to leave them with an empowering feeling.  

That all the love and affection and understanding that we seek is within ourselves.