Sweet Snow, Simple Sweden, New Beginnings

Regular Sweden!!

Still not enough time to write a decent post.  But I just wanted to share one thing.  This year, I have actually put something into practice that I had been saying for years. To stop being the only one to keep friendships and relationships alive.  I have let go of much clutter, and as a result, have some clarity. We cannot keep giving without being replenished.  And I have, for years, given out of my heart.  All was done to  create a community, it takes effort and time.

This past year, with much deliberation, I chose me.  I started the process about three to four years ago.  Now, I hurt much less, when I let go of people who were dear to me.  

As a result, work gets better.  Time extends, and I can reflect.  

Now, if only I could learn not to regret the time I put in people, who did not understand that it was a 'give and take'.  

They did not realize that I gave them continuity, or that I was showing my affection by putting in the time in them, to make them feel special.  Yes, it filled a need in me.  The need to love.  So, from that aspect, it was selfish.  But, it would have become a 'flow' if there were some balance.

Continuity is very important for how we see ourselves.  In our consumption oriented world, where we experience even the close relationships through taking in bits of information, often in images and short quotes on Facebook and twitter, it is that continuity of having the same people around which brings sanity.  An recent article talks about our disconnectedness and as spiritual crisis. 

I have felt that for as long as I have been away from home.  A recent event made me realise that I have been cut off from life, from birthdays and funerals and weddings, and parties and get togethers where the same people gather over and over again to celebrate life.

This, even when I cannot count the number of meals I have cooked, the amount of handmade cards I have made, and the amount of letters and phone calls, the birthdays and anniversaries I have remembered--and yet....

But, no more, no more sadness. I have to claim my own life and recognise its richness and hollowness at the same time.

From that recognition, from that pain --I hope to rise, like a Phoenix, bright and new, and shiny like the new dawn!  Especially like the one in Scandinavia!!