The gorgeous couple with the family of the groom!
Made this to celebrate their union!! D, my student from Kenya asked me, 'When I get married will you draw an African couple for us.' Yes, I nodded, 'very culturally appropriate' he said and we all laughed!
Several months ago, she emailed with a subject title, 'Save the Date'. It brought me smiles and my heart gladdened. Memories went back to when I met her for the first time. The very first semester, the very first week of the very first semester, probably just two days after I arrived here. So, She and Sweden are equally known to me. Although she has provided a kind of continuity, that will outlast, my connection to any one place. Meaning, its been a beautiful --love filled relationship.
She was in the first MA class I taught. There they were seven students, each from a different country. Four Continents represented. Asia, Europe, Latin America, Africa. About eight languages represented. Arabic, Chinese, French, Spanish, Portuguese, Russian, Armenian, Swedish and of course English. Countries, China, Morroco, Spain, Brazil, Belarus, Armenia and Iraq. Everyone spoke English. So at least two languages. And some spoke more than two languages.
She, L, I mean, was the Chinese student. Smallest, chirpiest and in some sense quite responsible. At the first mingle, the social that the department organised for them, which was about 3 months after I arrived, I saw all of them dressed formally. Boys in shirts with collars, girls in dresses, with their well-shampooed hair down!! I wore a cotton churidaar and shirt with a bright red bandhani duppatta. I still love dressing Indian, there is something so earthy and feminine about it.
L, wore a tight fitting black dress, her long hair on the side. We all sat on the same table, chatting, laughing and sharing about life. We were all new in the country. I noticed there was a good mix of dark haired and not so dark haired and dark eyed and light eyed people around the table.
For the next year and a half, I would spend time with them closely. If fact, we would watch about 7 bollywood movies together as a part of the research. That needs another post.
We would watch the movies followed by pizza and some dessert possibly and chat away about the movies. Many movies were watched at AJ's apartment, because he had a large screen TV. Considering he is a man, his house was always nice, clean and organised. Very artistically organised. The other movies were watched in the university room with a large screen, that gave 'a near' experience of a movie theatre with speakers and large screen.
On the viewing of the last movie, L came with F, and her swedish friend M, who was her classmate in undergrad at another university in Sweden. F was quiet but smiley. They all left a little early because M had to leave early. Shortly after that some of the students graduated. But, most of them, and I say truly most of them, about--5-6 of them still keep in touch. Even though I have not seen them anywhere from 7 months to 6 years. We keep in touch. Sometimes I write, and sometimes they write. Since, I have not lived in one place for as long as I have here, meaning not just in one country but one place....in many ways all this is truly a unique experience.
A year after the last collective movie viewing for us ended, L, came and helped me organize my place. We opened boxes, threw away papers, cleaned storage room etc. Even today many of my boxes have her notes notes on them. Much has been organised since then. My place, in many ways, now feels more like a home. And even though for a short time LT & J helped me organize my place, it was L, and her work with me over 3-4 weeks that got the things started. I remember feeling that something in my inside was being unearthed. And it was only a year after that that my career started to work. As if clutter of the years is out. And some parts, at least some parts of the life can begin.
The same year L and F moved to China for a short time so that he would learn a bit of Chinese, and her parents would get to know him. That to me was the indication, that they were really serious about each other, even though they were so very young. She started to pay more attention to Swedish, and they moved out of our town to another town about 90 minutes drive/by train away. I was sad, and thought it would be the same as with others, where people just forget and relationships come to an end due to non-use, non connection. But L wrote.
She called, she texted. She sent postcards.
They could not make it D's graduation in 2013 but AJ came, and L sent her best wishes (that evening is another one of those evenings, I still want to write about. It was filled with love and affection and a feeling that life was set in place. The conversations that we had were excellent but the best part was a feeling of community, that I have always sought).
Once both L and F came to celebrate AJ's birthday at my house. And I mentioned how my hand hurt so much that even opening small bottles had become painful. We celebrated both L's and F's birthday, once or twice at my place. In one of those visits F remembered to bring me a bottle opener. A simple --low technology, which I have used so much. Something I would have never bought myself. But it has hung in my kitchen for the past several years, and has been put to good use.
I have also shown it in class as a simple example of a machine. In defining what is a machine--something that makes the same work possible with less effort.
Jar and bottle opener that F got me
The thing is that F had met me only 2-3 times by then, yet he remembered to bring me that bottle opener. Just a kind heart, who remembered and brought something very useful.
Similarly, L made me a birthday card on the surprise b'day party that my students gave me the first year I was here. I still have that card in my study. It has not yet been packed in the archived cards!!
So, when I got the invitation to the wedding. I knew I had to be there. But I had so much else going on. A conference in the US, for which I needed to prepare presentations ....not to mention getting the tickets and planning my trip. The whole time in the conference I was sick, which delayed my buying tickets and reserving a hotel for the wedding. There was an MA defense two days after their wedding.
But I knew I had to do it. This was the second time there was a possibility to attend a student's wedding. I have had several invitations, but hardly possible because I am usually in far away places. One such wedding that I never wanted to miss, but had to, for more than many reasons was LT's which was in Morocco last year. We have talked and exchanged Skype messages several times since, many emails and pictures, but I will always feel a tinge of remorse even with a well of happiness at the thought of that wedding, simply because I could not attend it.
Coming back to the wedding in Sverige, L had told me that they had invited only close family members and some friends. So, it was a special honor.
And, finally, I made plans.
Not just for attending, but also creating something special. Two days before the wedding, I started painting a card for them...in 20 minute instalments because I was so busy. I decided I will wear a saree, and dress properly, something I had not done and have been lazy in doing.
So, I prepared. All the the time thinking --how grateful I am to witness this event.
Having been away from home and having lived in so many places, its been hard to be a part of a long term community. I have always placed higher value on people you have known for a long time. That shows something. And I am strictly against knowing people through 'mainly Facebook'.
Showing pictures of your children through Facebook, only 'shows them' no one knows them. And it is in that knowing that we break the fear of insecurity and being alone ---
Not sure how many can see the difference today.
So, attending this wedding when ---I had known L before she even met F, or that L and I have not only the experience of being at one institution for over two years but also --about 30 or more people in common, along with shared memories and concerns. And more importantly, have been in touch after not being in the same town for over five years, as I have been in touch with AJ who is still in my town but D, LT and JT who are now far away from Sverige.
It is this community--that we all have called a 'family' for all the good reasons....that made this event so much more special.
Just to add--LT and JT helped me organised my place, L did the same a year after, AJ was the one who I asked to help me move furniture, and he brought another girl from Ukraine in my life. One of those meetings AJ came with a glass jug to my house, 'You could use this' he said handing it to me. He had seen me fill glasses one by one with water and bring them to the table. I was really lost and overwhelmed with how much I needed to take care of--in the first three years. Only in hindsight, do I realise!!
And D--well, not only did we work on papers and attended a common conference in the US but till this day, I use the yoga mat he left behind....ha, ha.....I still use the bracelet he got me on his graduation.
And the small computer sized TV that I have, which I turn on, only once in 6 months, was left behind by LT. I used LT's futon for nearly a year before I got a couch. She also left so many DVDs behind of various series, especially 'LOST'. I never could watch them, and they are still with me!!
JT left some much cutlery and kitchen stuff, so I have slim and long sundae spoons, that I might not have bought, some music and a tool box that she left behind. And how can I forget the little vacuum cleaner she left behind. Houses here in s´Sweden are not carpeted, and so I did not use it until I got one for the living room.
Mine was the house that could be equated with an elder sister's house or a mother's place. These things were left behind with an intention of reclaiming them, when the owners returned!! --like travellers (in worse cases asylum seekers and refugees) do. But life takes over and a new life envelops us, and we learn that the things that we held dear, and were so often used are not needed anymore, or better they are just 'tools' and can be bought again or upgraded.
But, actually, what is important in this story is that in less than two year period we established some sort of a community, which more or less we have maintained at some level for the last 5-6 years, despite most of us being in different countries. Yes, yes, we thank technology!!
These little things and memories have intertwined in my existence and provided a criss-cross of strong support. Just like communities are supposed to.
So, even though I was tired from my trip to the US, jet lagged heavily, had much grading to do and two deadlines in between and after, I knew I could not miss it.
How does one ever miss a family wedding???
Family weddings are a priority and our lives are worked around it! So, I attended and enjoyed every bit of it. Details in the following post!
The Saree Worn at the Wedding. Have worn it only for the second time in the years --nearly ten --that I have had it.
Krishna and Radha Brooch. Again, possibly used it the second time.
Saree Belt, that has never been worn. Used here, just for the picture!
The Black Shawl that has been used much and has been worn much. The Golden purse that has been owned for a while, and used as a decoration, but used for the wedding for the first time!!
