In Search of a Home

Welcome!! Swagat, Dumela, Valkommen, Jee Aayan Noo, Tashreef, Bula, Swasdee, Bienvenido, Tashi Delek. Thanks for joining me......


Friday, May 24, 2019

One Fine Day

I cannot believe this was first published on May 12, 2012. Over seven years ago. Wow, have I truly been writing this long? I must love writing!!  ๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜œ!!

This is from One Fine Day in Fiji....I remember it. It was one of those nice things I did there! Its also one of my favourite pics, just look at the colors and that handsome dog!!


A picture from Fiji.  It was a hiking trip organized by the local 'Rucksack club' to Namosi.  The ubiquity of green in Fiji, year around is what fascinated me.  Here, even though the dog is not a 'collie' I keep thinking this could be a scene from Lassie, or even a Little House on the Prairie.  But, ah, the picture was actually taken in Namosi, Fiji, 2006.

There were waterfalls around here somewhere.  I  remember, many went in for a dip.  On these cold days, even in the Month of May, how could I not think of that Perpetual Paradise I lived in...some glorious years!! 


Wednesday, May 22, 2019

Epiphany: Pick Yourself Up, Dust Yourself Off and Start All Over Again


First apple bloom in my garden. Took nearly five years to get here!! How and why should I be sad?


As I was typing this post, this song came up on my computer, since I subscribe to this channel. Mr. Kuldeep Pai works with children who are gifted and just see what he creates. One of my other favourites is this one-BrahamOkate. Please have a listen, there is no way one can remain negative after this.  That little boy is my son. Yes, spiritual son. I look at him and I think he is mine. Just watch his expressions at 1:50. That girl though, seems like a guru, just listen to her voice. Also read the subtitles so know the meaning of these songs.

The one that chants just Raam-Raam Jaya Raam is meditative and addictive.  Brings to the depths of this peace that raises your own frequency. The song just sings praises Lord Raam, and talks about this qualities and provides his lineage, name of his father, his dynasty (and please drop english connotation of dynasty, lineage is the better word here). 

How could I, when I have been given this gift of hearing such great sounds and voice, how could I remain negative and wallow in self-pity.  This is what happens when one follows his/her SvaDharma. There is an electric current that passes through us. We are energied, as we inspire countless others. Mr. Kuldeep Pai is the wind, that recognised the span of the wings of these youngsters. As he follows his dream of helping the young, the young inspire others by beautiful renditions of age old songs.

For me, this brought about an epiphany.   

Time to get to work.

Pick Yourself Up, Dust Yourself Off and Start All Over Again!

But I still beg you all to read, come here, pay your visits and leave a note from time to time. And leave me good wishes. It is a trying time. I might go through this dark night of the soul because of your best wishes. 

May you bloom, may you have the patience to see seeds turn into flowers and fruits, and may you always have hope in your heart.  And a conviction that ours is only to work, and work 100%.  The results are in the hands of our previous deeds, in the universe, and there a'int nothing we can do about it.

We can however,  continue to love others, and be kind to ourselves and focus on contributing to the world. 

Have a great day!!


Trauma, Transition, Truth, Trust




From front of the house right in front of mine.  They live opposite to me and their house always has these lovely things outside. I used to do it too, but I am usually away in the summers. I put this image here as a sign of hope.  Although summers are usually bright.  This one here is representative of warmth and color as well.  Swedish summers are nice, but not always warm. Although we have had some good days lately. Its not summer yet. We have to wait till June. Its been rainy lately. 


To all the readers. I have not been writing.  I will get back to it. As always I have several unfinished posts.

But the last 10 months or so have been really hard. You know, I will not spell out things or write.  Mostly, it has to do with me and my state of my and my position in life. 

I had a short set back recently.  So much has come up to think about again.

I am trying to tell myself that all will be well.  

I have had a hard time matching my mind, my heart and my skills. Gave up my interest in food science and child psychology, or even nutrition ---which is what I studied in undergrad.  I had admission in a dietetics program. But I chose education, thinking I will study for IAS, Indian administration exams.  I left the country before I was even eligible to apply.

My interest in media was more creative than academic.  Still working it all out.

But on personal level I have realised that people do not focus on personal relationships as much as i have (it is the social media age after all).

I have spent much time and energy on personal relationships. And while I have some really good friends and people in my life, there is also a hollowness.  I have kept in touch with people via emails and phone calls and gifts and letters and cards and Skype calls. All of which I am now letting go.  It does not add to any depth or security, I have realized. 

I won't deny I do have good people and those who have stuck say that I have contributed positively to their life. 

Movement leaves a restlessness in us.

So, to all the readers, if you have enjoyed some work here, if you like to come here to read and want to send me a blessing and good vibes. I can use it.

Its a bit of a trying time, emotionally. Trying to ask myself, again, who am I, where do I belong, and what can I do to get to understand that.

Think of me as I listen to Nat King Cole, and relearn the lyrics to his song. Here is another version of the song by Natalie Cole

For all those who want to leave comments, please do so, just remember not to put my name.

I remain though, as usual, an accidentally seasoned hobo!!















Sunday, May 12, 2019

Sensing Spring!!

First published on May 14, 2012. I have to repost this for several reasons. One that it is 7 years later and I still find it hard that I have been writing this for this long. Second, it is that time of the year. But more importantly, I forget how many pictures I have taken and recorded them here. I keep taking these pictures every year and always think of putting a collection, according to time and seasons, not realising how often I have already done it. Documented my time here in this beautiful country. May be this is where I spend my time, noticing, documenting.  Not useful on any professional level. Have only a few readers, and have kept it that way on purpose So, why then? 

No reason....just to see how different this country can be in different seasons. Stark difference, that one cannot experience anywhere else. 


So, here it is, once again, just look at the pictures. Just look the moods mother nature reflects!!


The following pictures were taken over the last four months, notice the changes in the intensity of sun, the happiness of the daylight and softness of the ground.  How you ask? Ah the blinding sun is obvious, happiness of daylight is reflected in how much it illuminates so the pictures are clearer, and the softness of the ground is visible in shooting leaves, alive and green.  The silence of it all is obvious in the rain drops on the buds.  


Frozen lake Alster, but as the impressions of the ripples on the surface reveal that it has been a wobbly winter.  Sometimes cold, sometimes not so much.  That change in temperature can leave its marks on the surface.  I cannot help but think of the concept of Sanskara, in the vedic tradition. The images, ideas, concepts and experiences that leave a mark on us, that are not experienced with detachment they create the 'sanskaras'--the innate tendencies we are born with.  Often referred to as the past Karma.  

Its problematic if you see links everywhere.......



Houses by Lake Alster.  I have often ended up at dead roads with huge houses.  Often just one --as far as the eye can see.  I wonder what happens to a spirit that does not encounter the sounds of their neighbor's children? or any neighbors for that matter.  And many a times, I have stood staring at the stillness in awe. Then linking it back to my experiences and notions of the "LIfeTime TV' I have sprinted away.....wondering if it was serial killer who lived there......





Lake Alster, January 2012.



The above picture was taken on my way back to town after a quick walk to Lake Alster.  It must not be more than 5 pm, in January.  I saw this car pass by and quickly snapped a shot to show how dark the roads can be by that time.  





The above two pictures were taken shortly after the car passed by.  Notice how dull the sky is at 5 pm.  It looks so dark, partly because this road cuts through the forest, ended up at the lake.  But by the end of January we start to see some hope with regards light....


The following few pictures were taken on the way to Stockholm, early April.  Around 9 am.  Again notice how bright the sun is, and only in January it is dark until after 9:30 am.  















The following few pictures were taken in late April. I went for a short walk after my lunch, right behind the university.  This sign, Atelje, which means Studio (I think) is my mark of halfway 40 min long walk between University and Lake Alster.




So, this is late April and the lake has melted completely.  The sun is more relaxed and beginning to breathe.

The following few pictures are from the walk, on a road less travelled. I had actually gone off the regular path that I take and wandered into the woods. I stayed there a few minutes so that I could capture the sounds of the birds.  Forests are alive in spring with the sound of the birds.  Come June, it all quiets down.  Know why? The mating season is over, and the gestation period begins.  The seed for newness has been laid, and we must mull over it to reflect by autumn, and learn by winter...and deliver again by spring....the cycle continues. 





I can almost hear the silence...in the pacing of my heart beat as I look at this picture.  Can you?



I took the above picture not for the green but for the bare shrub, not ashamed of its nakedness and poverty to stand amidst the green and lush....



The sun filtering through the trees. Looks like two bollywood stars will emerge anytime now and break into a song...



And the long shadows and reflections.....






I rested on a stone--and did something we fail to do everyday. Notice my own feet--well, shoes.  but grateful for what I can accomplish simply by being----I have just been reading how we should pay more attention to ourselves.  Not in a selfish way but in an appreciative way.  We take so much work from our body, but never express gratitude.  Simply wearing good clothes and buying expensive perfume does not do the trick.  We must bow down to what we can do for ourselves, others and the world by the magic of a healthy body....






By late April, the sun is up way beyond 8 pm.  This above picture was taken at 8:30 pm late april.



And then I turned around and took a direct shot of the sun.  Truly a magical country I must say.  Starting Spring to the end of Summer there is magic to this gorgeous country.  Now I can see the 'Midsummer night's dream being enacted here....' absolutely...












The above pictures are close ups of Cherry Blossoms that, even though took a while to sprout, lasted only for a few days.  But for those few days, it felt like we were bitten by 'pink'.  Truly a gorgeous site. Here the color is not that clear because of the gray skies.  These pictures were taken with an iphone, so there was no filter for light. Apologies  :((

But the following pictures taken on a different day are slightly better. 










The following pics are these flowers--I do not know the name of. They seem to belong to Cherry Blossom family.  
















The shrubs above are already half filled with leaves. The picture was taken end of April, so only two weeks ago.  See below..




The bud here is now a full blown stalk covered with leaves.  See the following two pictures...





And here is a tree next to the shrub, about two weeks ago.  The sky is clearly visible through the branches.  And the following picture was taken a week ago.  The leaves are already starting to shut out the sky, and be ready to create a shade for the extra sunny days. 




The above picture is only a few days old.  It shows how quickly it all came upon us.  Everytime I leave the house, it is a completely new world to see....

Ah the following picture--my favorite.



This is a branch that I have noticed for all year.  It falls right outside my kitchen window.  I have a picture of it somewhere with frozen droplets on it.  I have seen it shift from stiff to supple over the last few months.  Soon there will be tiny white roses on it.  I am attaching a picture from last June, that shows the whole plant.  This special branch that hangs loosely in front of the kitchen window is my connection to the seasons and in some ways to myself.  Always brings me a smile, like a good old companion that has been there for you through the seasons.  Like O. Henry's last leaf--alive....only determined  to live season after season.....



The bright sun....reflected in the kitchen window.

The following picture is of another bare tree that is just getting ready to be there....reminds us that trees....are not all the same either you know....just like us, varied, different......although with the same principle....












The above two pictures were taken only two days ago.  May 2012.  The flowers are white in color.  The glow on the side is not the sun, but a street lamp.  The time must be close to 9 pm.  But these flowers bloomed in the last week.....I wish I knew the names of these beautiful things....



On my way back from the grocery store I stopped by this house to get pictures in their yard.  These flowers are just gorgeous.  Huge buds, and in the evening their pink looked slightly pale. 







And the rain drops, hang, adding such depth to the bud.  She seems like this elegant lady, wearing a pink gown, waiting for someone special--drowning in her own perspiration. 



Yeah....May, 2012 and the picture was taken close to 10 pm. 








Past 10 pm, May 2012







The above three pictures were taken yesterday, when I rode my bike to the lake.  The time was only noon, but since the sky was a bit overcast, the pictures are not clear.  Again we can blame the iphone. But notice how everything is green now, and the lake is flowing....we even have mosquitoes....

Yes, Persephone is in business!!